Are You Successful and Self Doubting?
No matter how successful we become in the view of the world it can be hard to fight that inner voice that tells us we aren’t as good as they think we are. In fact, the more we achieve the more afraid we become of not being able to live up to the high expectations. Some outstanding leaders and achievers suffer from this ‘imposter syndrome’, which keeps them awake at night, wondering when others are going to find out they are not really up to the job.
Why don’t we believe in the evidence of our success? It is all to do with the way we think. Our thoughts can undermine the evidence suggesting that it’s all been a bit of a fluke or we have been ‘very lucky’. Whether you are a perfectionist that never settles for second best or a bit of a bodger, like me, self doubt can haunt you and spoil the enjoyment of your achievements. No matter how many times people tell you how brilliant you are it just ratchets up the pressure to keep up the performance.
Research by Carol Dweck has shown that consistently being praised for our cleverness or for achieving great results can be counterproductive because it nurtures a ‘fixed’ mindset; a belief that intelligence and personality are innate and can’t be changed. If you have a fixed mindset, failing at challenges is demoralising because making a mistake means you aren’t as clever as you thought you were. This threatens your self-image. Labelled with excellence, your main driver is to keep proving it by getting praise for good results rather than learning from mistakes.
Problems of praising success
Yearning for success and praise can become addictive and it makes our self-esteem fragile. If we are only as good as our last success, we are much less likely to go outside our comfort zone and risk doing something we might fail at. This, of course, is very bad news for learning at school or work because the only way we truly learn and grow resilient is to take a risk, make a mistake or two, listen to feedback and learn from it.
Some children, labelled as very able at school, can plateau later in life because the praise they received has created a nagging fear of failure and self-doubt which can dominate their thinking. Why would they want to risk doing something new and maybe have to admit to making mistakes or struggling? Their inner voice says ‘ you should get this right, if you are still clever’. This can set up a fear of being judged and found not good enough creating those habits of self doubt.
Think on purpose
To change those habits and enjoy your success you will need to think differently. You can still be humble and modest but if you can develop a growth mindset way of thinking you know that it’s okay to still be a learner no matter how far you are up the greasy pole.
People with a growth mindset know that we are learning the most when we struggle to do something new, outside our comfort zone. We need to constantly encourage ourselves and others to take learning risks, to celebrate the struggle and praise the strategies developed to overcome difficulties.
Encouraging a growth mindset approach means reminding ourselves that learning is a journey and it is okay to make mistakes. Infact that means we are still learning. It means seeking out feedback about our own performance and understanding the difference between criticism and feedback. It means taking the risk to be less than perfect and still knowing we are okay.
It’s very liberating too to admit to others what you struggle with. I spent my middle years admiring the amazing leaders around me and watching in awe as they took decisions that would terrify me. When I became a leader and worked with similar people I realised that those very leaders had those same doubts and fears I did but had learned to projected a confidence befitting their role. However, the very best leaders take responsibility, admit when they are wrong and show they are still learning.
Stand back from those self-doubting thoughts and reframe them:
– Being open and honest about my strengths and challenges will help me and others
– Effort and struggle are evidence I am still learning
– Intelligence and personality isn’t fixed and forever, it can change and grow
– Learning is a journey with ups and downs
– Feedback helps me improve and learn
– Other people’s success is inspiring and I can learn from it
– I need to expand my comfort zone to become fearless
– Stress can enhance performance if I understand how it works in my brain
In my book ‘Grow’ I explain how to develop a growth mindset by managing your thoughts so you can believe in your worth, celebrate and enjoy your success. Otherwise – what is the point?
By: Jackie Beere
Some extracts from GROW: Change your mindset, change your life – a practical guide to thinking on purpose by Jackie Beere published by Crown House Publishing
