TikTok’s new ‘Name A Woman’ trend already has 246 million views, and the ‘Loyalty Test’ now has a huge 3.7 billion, but are they wise to try in a long-term relationship?
With Valentine’s Day approaching, thortful exclusively interviewed match-making expert and owner of award-winning dating agency Cupid In The City, Siobhan Copland, to discuss how to re-ignite the spark in a long-term relationship.
From why you should avoid the ‘Name A Woman’ loyalty test, to small free gestures that can bring the spark back, what to do if you start fancying someone else, how to spot if your relationship is in a rut, why so many millennials are breaking up right now and more, see the full interview below.
How can you let someone know you’re still interested?
“I think consistency and communication are what makes it clear. So, focus on those two things. So many people keep things inside and don’t express how they feel, which can lead to distancing and tension.
If you want to show you’re still very much interested, you have to risk putting yourself out there. Even if it’s not reciprocated, you are more likely to know where you stand by making your stance clear.”
What are the best small gestures to bring back the spark?
“Compliments cost nothing but mean a lot. Continuing to make an effort with your appearance, dressing up when you meet, and smelling good too – these things may be for you, but also signal to your partner you care about continuing to seduce them and maintaining that level of attraction.
Planning regular date nights – if you haven’t got the budget to eat out, look up a recipe online and cook together and play music in the background to set a mood. Words are also powerful, a nice card with thoughtful words, not just on occasions that everyone celebrates but also when they have had a tough time at work. It’s all about staying tuned in with each other and empowering one another.”
How can you show you’re interested without being too keen?
“It has to feel reciprocated, so I think put it out there that you would like to meet again and gauge their response. If they seem pleased, try to book a second date on the first date by checking each other’s availability the following week.
Once a week for early dating in the first month is about right, and not lots of texting in between. You could even make it clear you are not big on texting when you are first getting to know someone, you prefer to get to know each other when you are face to face.”
Are there any key signs that show your relationship is in a rut?
“The same routine can make people feel that they are stuck in a rut, if the energy feels low between you both it’s important to have those open and honest conversations. Like businesses, have quarterly meetings, as a partnership you should regularly have a check-in, but not in a way where you are blaming and criticising.
Communication breakdown is the number one relationship killer, and busy work schedules, like commitments and responsibilities, mean sometimes your relationship may end up feeling like it’s last on the list, but you must prioritise your relationship, or you will both feel neglected and taken for granted, and that’s where many problems may stem.”
What should you look out for if you think your partner is cheating?
“Sneakiness with their phone, not wanting to leave their phone lying around, hiding the screen when you sit nearby, being on their phone a lot more often. But ultimately your intuition tells you something is off, so instead of playing detective, it is always best to follow your intuition.”
What is the secret to a long and happy relationship?
“Friendship, strong physical connection, mutual respect, trust, forgiveness, and honest open communication.”
What do you do if you start fancying someone else in a long-term relationship – is that normal / should you raise it with your partner?
“I think if you find yourself developing an attraction to someone else, it is nothing you need to automatically raise with your partner, it is possible to develop slight crushes on people but it doesn’t mean there is an issue in your relationship, it is human nature to still find other people attractive even when you are committed and loyal to your partner, but it is how you act upon it.
If you find yourself obsessing over another person or wanting to make contact with them frequently, that is when it becomes an issue and could result in an emotional affair developing, so it’s important not to let it go unchecked for long. You need to also check in with yourself as to what it is about this person, and what excites you. It could be addressing that you are feeling a little bored of your relationship and this person brings exciting new energy, and that is when you need to consider ways to reinvigorate your current relationship.”
What do you think of the new “name a woman” loyalty test trend on TikTok?
“The loyalty check test is a dangerous thing to get into. If you must play detective to find out if your partner is loyal then that is probably enough of a sign that your intuition is telling you this isn’t the person you are going to end up with.
There’s a huge trust risk here too, if you get it wrong and you’ve relied on something like TikTok to try and find it out, your partner will feel completely let down. These matters should be discussed privately before using a tool to intervene. You probably wouldn’t have gone straight on Jeremy Kyle without having a conversation about it all, would you?”
Research suggests that lots of millennials are breaking up right now, why do you think this is?
“I think social media guidance is causing a lot of people to be misguided, people who have no real experience with relationships giving advice and influencing people to approach relationships in a very discardable way.
The focus is to get what you can and dump them, calling most things red flags, when often they are simply things that come up in relationships that we need to navigate and work through.
Put time into your partner rather than looking at other people’s worlds and lives on social media, it’s all about perspective and sometimes people believe they can get more than what they already have, but in reality, you have something amazing, and you should work on it!”
See the full interview here: https://www.thortful.com/blog/matchmaking-expert-dating-tips/
