Have you ever found yourself rewriting an email multiple times before hitting send? Or maybe you add an exclamation mark or an extra smiley face in your messages to colleagues.
If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing ‘her-alysis’—a phenomenon where women change their workplace behaviours to appear more compliant, humble, or likeable.
You’re not alone in this behaviour. Many women are guilty of these common habits with a recent study by caba reporting that over three-quarters of women regularly rewrite their emails out of fear of getting a negative reaction.
Candice Baker, HR and People expert at caba, points out: “Women often change their behaviour, such as rewriting emails, adding exclamation marks or qualifiers to soften their manner. However, ‘her-alysis’ can suggest something more than just wanting to be liked – it can be a reflection of lower confidence or wanting to avoid confrontation which can suggest that women feel less sure of their professional position and authority.”
Habits holding women back in the office
Relying on exclamation marks. Padding your language with phrases like “just,” “actually,” or “I think”. Peppering emails with smiles or emojis. Starting sentences with qualifiers like “I’m no expert but…” or relying too much on niceties. All these habits can make you appear less confident.
Even casually tossing in “sorry” too often can chip away at your authority. These small habits, though seemingly harmless, may hold you back from being seen as a clear and confident professional.
These habits could reflect a lack of confidence or a feeling of uncertainty regarding authority in the office. And, what’s worse- we may not even be aware that these behaviours are influencing how we’re perceived at work.
Candice explains further, “While these behaviours may seem trivial, they can have a big impact on both your professional life and mental health. These habits can cause you to overthink which can lead to feelings of burnout. Repeatedly questioning yourself, feeling overlooked, or fearing rejection can affect your mental wellbeing and consistently downplaying achievements or changing your communication style can put you at risk of missing opportunities for recognition and leadership roles.”
With almost two-thirds of women from caba’s study admitting to regularly experiencing self-doubt in the workplace, these feelings of doubting your own abilities could hinder future career progression.
To avoid this, building a strong sense of self-confidence is key to achieving a sense of safety and satisfaction in the workplace.
So how can women build confidence in the workplace?
Use confident language
Start small- send that work email without editing it too many times. Get comfortable with being clear and direct and avoid softening your message with unnecessary exclamation points or overly apologetic language. These subtle language changes will give what you’re saying more authority.
Set boundaries and prioritise wellbeing
Burnout is real; overloading yourself isn’t a sign of strength. Setting clear boundaries, learning to say ‘no’, and asking for help when needed are essential skills. This can help you manage stress and excel at your job, unapologetically.
Build a supportive network
Your support network can provide encouragement, guidance, and a safe space to discuss your concerns or to ask for help on how to reduce stress to manage your priorities. So lean into your network, and don’t hesitate to ask questions.
Celebrate your achievements
Acknowledging and celebrating your achievements is an underrated workplace wellbeing strategy. Celebrating wins can give you that all-important confidence boost. In moments of self-doubt, you can look back at your achievements and know you can do it.
Capitalise on feedback
Giving feedback is a great way to build your self-confidence in the workplace. If you feel like you’re being spoken down to or mistreated, giving constructive criticism can help others around you improve their behaviour. Similarly, if you feel your success is being downplayed, the only way to resolve this is by talking through it.
Building and maintaining confidence at work is an ongoing task. It requires self-awareness, continuous learning, a positive mindset, and the willingness to step out of your comfort zone. But remember confidence is a skill that can be developed and within your control. If you’re interested in finding ways to improve your confidence, caba offers support, development courses and other helpful resources through its dedicated online space to help women in the workplace.
