How to Live and Thrive – Not Just Survive
Life doesn’t exist in neat compartments. Your work affects your home life; your relationships influence your career. To truly flourish, a holistic view is required.
Many people are uncertain about the meaning of their life. There is no single answer – it’s not something you can ask Alexa for. Google won’t help either. Each of us will have a different meaning. Finding your meaning starts with understanding yourself. To help you do this, ask yourself the following questions:
What were your most fulfilling years? What made them stand out? What do you want to stand for? What’s holding you back?
While it’s important not to dwell on the past, it can provide valuable insights. Identify what made past experiences meaningful and consider how to incorporate similar elements into your future.
To further develop clarity, I recommend two “existential hacks”:
- Expose yourself to awe: Seek out experiences that inspire wonder and perspective.
- Practice courage: Step out of your comfort zone regularly.
It is amazing how much difference these two easy hacks will make to your life and your ability to find meaning and the path that is right for you.
Define success on your own terms
Society often measures success by external markers: salary, prestige, and possessions. But do these align with your personal values? Do those things really matter to you? Imagine yourself at the end of your life. What would make you proud? What would have made life worth living?
Existential philosophy and psychology tell us that we need three things to become unstuck: choice, action and responsibility.
Choice
Once you have developed existential clarity, have the courage to choose the life you want. Again, no compromises. Don’t think in terms of “either/or”; instead, choose “both/and”.
Action
But choice without action leads to procrastination. We need to take action to bring our goals into reality. Be bold and make potentially dramatic changes to live the life you want. Thinking alone won’t make things happen.
Responsibility
Finally, we need to accept responsibility for our actions. Every action (or, often, inaction) has consequences. Action without responsibility leads to blame-shifting and poor future decision-making. After all, it’s all someone else’s fault, right? So, what’s the point of making choices if we aren’t responsible for the outcome? This is an unhealthy perspective that will leave you feeling as though life happens to you, rather than recognising that you have the power to make your life.
If we are free to choose, we must accept the responsibilities for our choices. We can then learn from our choices, which, in turn, allows us to make the next choice with full awareness and a feeling of control. Responsibility thereby enhances our ability to make good future choices.
Many people end up stuck when they make a choice and complete an action that ends up going awry. This can happen, despite your genuine best intentions and actions. You may then fear making future choices as you now have a fear of getting it wrong. Responsibility without choice leads to rumination and anxiety. But, by stepping back and looking at your long-term goals, you may discover that the ‘wrong’ choice was simply a speed bump on the journey of your life.
Remember, mistakes don’t define your life, but your reaction to them can. Embrace change as an opportunity for growth and learning.
Surviving, living, thriving
To live a full life we need to survive, by which I mean life needs to be sustainable and meet our survival needs. These include food, water and shelter, but also a sense of self-esteem and relationships. It is important to think about the long-term needs of your life, not just the short-term ones.
Next, we need to live. This means making choices, taking action and accepting responsibility. In this way, we move our lives forward on our own terms and feel empowered to curate our present and future. This is the on-going process of living a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Finally, we want to thrive. Thriving is about the feeling of lightness, energy, optimism, and joy we get from making meaningful changes in our life with the long-term picture firmly in mind.
To truly thrive, I encourage you to invest in strong relationships and commit to lifelong learning. Stay curious and open to new experiences – these are key to cognitive health and personal development.
Your Existential Playbook
By applying these principles, you can discover existential clarity and achieve a state of relaxed readiness, where you are capable of handling anything that comes your way with grace and relative ease. You will cut the strings of the past, curate your present life, and design a future where you can thrive. You will transform life into something full and meaningful.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Stephen Bruyant-Langer has over 30 years’ experience as an executive coach and leadership expert, guiding top executives and leaders worldwide to reach their full potential. He is founder of The Personal Business Plan, the new standard in executive coaching, and through his Executive Coaching Programme, he has transformed the lives of hundreds of high-level executives using his unique 10-step system for personal and professional development.
Stephen blends corporate, academic, entrepreneurial and consulting skills, having held senior positions with industry leaders like The Coca-Cola Company, L’Oréal and Korn Ferry.
He has authored two bestselling books (‘Your Next Career – A head-hunter’s guide to lifelong success’ and ‘The Personal Business Plan — A blueprint for running your life’) and over 400 articles on leadership. In parallel he has served as an Associate Professor at Copenhagen Business School as well as an Associate at the Møller Institute, Churchill College, University of Cambridge. His third book, ‘The Existential Playbook – How to Survive, Live and Thrive’ was published September 2024.