Stop the Wedding Bells From Clanging with Your Mother-in-Law
Stop the wedding bells from clanging with your mother-in-law
Wedding season is about to get into high gear and the tensions can run high especially when your mother-in-law is showing signs of being “interfering” and the “Mother-in-Law from Hell.” Dr. Deanna Brann, PhD is a clinical psychotherapist, in-law expert and author of Reluctantly Related Revisited: Breaking Free of the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law Conflict.
“When two people disagree, they often create a stalemate because they both believe they are the one who is right,” says Dr. Brann. “The focus is not about who is right or wrong, it’s about how the other person views the situation.”
As a few of us may already know during wedding planning, whenever the phrase “mother in law” appears in conversation, whether natural or not, brings up images of monsters, the Devil incarnated, and more. We’re terrified of mother in laws during wedding season and not without good reason. She’s letting her son (or daughter) run into your arms and be your one & only, when he was hers from day 1. A mother in law can be a blessing in disguise or she can be hell on earth. So during what’s supposed to be the happiest day of your life, why does the preparation with her constantly nagging in your ear feel like hell?
Wedding planning is stressful enough without family intruding on your magical day. So how do you make your soon to be mother in law feel like she’s a part of things without completely handing over the reigns? Bring in Dr. Deanna Brann and her four tips to avoiding the mother-in-law from hell.
If you’re struggling with a terrible in-law that you can’t avoid, these are Dr. Brann’s tips to survive without feeling like you need to rip your head off.
1. Let her feel a part of things.
It comes down to her not wanting to fully give her child away just yet. She’s a mama bear. Give her some small task to commandeer and fully make her own. And have something special for her to do during the ceremony as well.
2. Be sensitive.
As mentioned previously, she’s no longer the only woman her child loves most in the world. And like anything transitional, it can be difficult to realize this. So try to understand where she’s coming from, as much as you can without tapping into the open bar early.
3. Be as positive as possible about her.
It is meant to be a joyous occasion after all. Take her out to lunch and find something to bond over, even if it’s how mimosas are better than bloody mary’s or that cousin Jane does not ever look good in blue.
4. Now, establish some boundaries.
Though she is clearly an important figure in your spouse’s life, it is still your day. Establish what you can and cannot let her do or take control over. And stick to your guns.
And these rules aren’t set in stone either. With every mother in law, you’ll have to attack with different methods and there’s a lot of trial & error. With some, you’ll only need to let her be a part of things and with others, you’ll need this list and more. Assess the situation as best you can and have fun! It’s a wedding after all, not a funeral. So celebrate your love, a new family, and a different way of doing things.
Connect with Dr. Brann at www.drdeannabrann.com or http://www.inlawsos.com/