Aging, Confidence, and the Menopause Stigma: Breaking the Silence
Thanks to brave and influential women like Naomi Watts and Brooke Shields, menopause is having a moment. Watts’ recent book speaks candidly about being an aging woman and Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), which has been a conversational taboo due to inaccurate research published in 2002 and the ingrained, misogynistic perspective that the experiences of older women do not deserve mainstream attention. Watts is helping HRT break free from these archaic opinions and has brought us one step forward in normalizing these necessary discussions.
Brooke Shields’ new memoir, aptly titled “Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old: Thoughts on Aging as a Woman,” has taken the media by storm. The book highlights the dichotomy of aging while female – you somehow feel more and less confident all at once. Ever the sex symbol, Shields is no stranger to an admiring gaze, yet she has admitted to feeling less desirable. She openly discusses the physical and mental symptoms of menopause, like vaginal dryness and stress, bravely sharing personal and raw experiences. But Shields also shares how aging has given her a new sense of self. She feels more confident and empowered than in her younger years – a common experience for many menopausal and post-menopausal women.
The Menopause Maelstrom
As women age, they not only deal with the all too real physical and emotional changes due to menopause, but they must also contend with society’s perceptions about who they are.
The unfortunate reality is that 42% of women aged 50 to 59 have never discussed menopause with a healthcare provider. I hope this added attention shows all women that their health matters throughout their lives and shouldn’t cease to be a priority after the end of their childbearing years. Witnessing objectively beautiful, vibrant, and successful celebrities speak openly about their HRT journeys is empowering – but it doesn’t completely fix the problem.
For example, the backhanded “compliments” women hear as they age are indicative of how society perceives the older woman. A woman “of a certain age” – over 50, 60, 70? – can’t just be sexy. Instead, she must hear things like:
“She looks great for her age.”
“She is really aging gracefully.”
“She is so brave to let her hair go grey.”
Women shouldn’t have to be brave, or bold, or unapologetic for allowing their bodies to age. We don’t celebrate men’s confidence after 50, nor do we spotlight a 50-something man who is dating a 30-something woman. There still exists a stigma around women as we move further away from our youth. More significantly, the double standard of aging is impacting more than our self-confidence – it is affecting our health.
Many women, myself included, believe there is still a stigma around aging. That stigma results in a lack of conversation around things like menopause. A reality for half of the population at some point is shrouded in mystery and misinformation.
As much as I want to celebrate Hollywood for acknowledging more women over 50 as being sexy and desirable –does it reflect the average women’s reality? Does it count when the badass, powerful, seductive woman is objectively gorgeous, thin, and “young looking?” This isn’t a critique on bleaching one’s hair, a splash of tox, or a little surgical touch-up here or there (go for it!). Rather, it’s an observation that Hollywood (and our culture) is still missing the point.
I recently Googled “sexy aging female celebrity.” The results were abundant with “aging gracefully,” “still thriving,” and the bold choice to age naturally. Curious, I pulled the same search but swapped out “female” for “male.” Those results leaned in to the “hottest actors,” the “Sexiest Man Alive” list, and getting hotter with age. Young women can be attracted to an older man who is bald(ing), out of shape, and with a healthy dose of wrinkles – and no one bats an eye. However, when the roles are reversed, the woman is desperate, dressing too young, etc. While I applaud the movement to showcase women over 50, we need a paradigm shift away from the criticisms that too often follow.
So, how do we do it? Where do we start? Who gets to define what is sexy for women over 50?
Let’s begin by opening the conversation. Articles like this one, conversations with friends, posts on social channels – whatever we can do to make the uncomfortable, comfortable. There is power in dialogue, and the more intentional we are around normalizing a very normal process, the sooner menopause will lose the heavy baggage it’s been dragging behind it.
Maybe in a few years a fabulous 50-something will stroll past you, and you’ll hear:
“She looks great.”
“Her skin is amazing.”
“Her grey hair is fabulous… maybe I should let mine go grey?”
We can only hope! Until then, I will continue to loudly applaud every time I hear a celebrity like Brooke Shields, Naomi Watts, or Drew Barrymore challenge the status quo.
Written by Lauren M. Darisse, Esq., COO & General Counsel, The HRT Club
