Holiday romances are exciting. A new place, new people, new adventures, sunshine and sea (maybe) and being able to relax opens up the door to fresh possibilities.
With lockdown, travel opportunities are limited so you are less likely to be Shirley Valentine falling for Costas on a Greek Island and more likely to find someone close to home. There are still many, many opportunities out there so, Carpe Diem.
Here are 12 signs your holiday romance will outlast the summer:
1. You really want it to
Your head, heart and gut are telling you that this is much more than a short-term fling. Your focus is very much on enjoying the present and building a new future with them. Beware of wanting it so much that you are blind to the realities. Desire is good, desperate is bad.
2. They want it too
They have shown that you are really important to them. You have been able to talk about the future, looking forward to sharing new experiences. When you part, see what comes after the parting promises; maybe give a bit of space to test their resolve?
3. Communication is really good
You are able to talk about how you are feeling and are being truly listened to. There is so much to talk about and often the conversations effortlessly filled time. There were also silences that feel comfortable; you don’t feel the need to fill in the gaps.
4. There is a strong sense of connection
You have the sense of being in tune with each other. Little looks, touches and words make you tingle with pleasure. There are moments of intimacy where it was as if time has stopped and nothing else mattered. Kisses and love making are intense and very pleasurable. You may also feel a deep, primeval connection, as if you were ‘soul mates.’
5. There is a real commitment to the relationship
You are both investing time and energy in growing the relationship beyond today. It feels that it is important to both of you.
6. You are both having fun together
You are both able to relax and let the inner child out to play. You can be silly and really laugh together.
7. You are growing
The relationship is nourishing both of you and it feels like you are both expanding your lives as individuals as well as a couple. There are, inevitably, ups and downs but you feel that ‘us’ has life and is not static
8. You trust each other
You trust each other implicitly and there are no concerns over ‘where are they, who are they talking to.’
You could both share anything about your past, feelings and dreams and there are no secrets. If you have a problem, you are confident that they would respond in the right way to your cry for help. You would also really want to help them.
9. It is pragmatically possible
If they are a goat farmer in Greece and you are a high-flying City exec then it might be quaint. Are you prepared to give up your city penthouse to live in a hut or are they prepared to change their life to meet yours? This may be the thing of dreams but could also be of disappointments.
10. You are compatible
Love is blind but when the raging hormones have dissipated and you are not in bed together, how compatible are you? Can you both have an equal conversation, fully clothed? Do you have similar interests? Are your values truly aligned? Run your thoughts onto 20 years into the future. Where will you be, what will you be doing and how will you be feeling?
11. Your friends and family would like them
This can be the acid test. Would those close to you, who love and respect you, welcome them with open arms or would you feel embarrassed and have to explain them to them.
12. You both want the same future
One way of testing this is to both get some paper and coloured pens. Separately draw a picture representing your life now and then another picture representing your ideal future. Share your pictures and compare. Talk about what is different about your ideal futures and what is the same. Also talk through what you need to do to get from the now to that ideal future. This will give great insight into both your dreams and their alignment.
If the answers to all of the above are positive that is great news. Well done! Embrace the future and check regularly if the relationship is still on track. Maybe calibrate each of the key relationship elements out of 10 and see what is changing:
- Communication
- Connection
- Commitment
- Fun
- Growth
- Trust
If there are some question marks, enjoy what you can while you can and see if the relationship improves or worsens. Be ready to leave while you are ahead.
If there are a lot of negatives, exit gracefully, thanking them for what they gave you and plan your next holiday.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Neil Wilkie is a Relationship Expert, Psychotherapist, author of the Relationship Paradigm Series of Books and creator of online couples therapy, The Relationship Paradigm®. Find out more at www.relationshipparadigm.com