A professional matchmaker highlights the dating mistakes that are holding you back
After being single for a long time, it’s easy to think you’ll never have a partner again. But don’t give up hope! There are ways to identify what keeps you from making a meaningful connection with a new partner.
“If you can’t figure out why you’re still single, I’m here to help,” says April Davis, the founder and president of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, a high-end matchmaking service.
You’re Stuck In A Judgemental Mindset
Being overly judgmental of potential partners is an easy trap to fall into. You’re looking for ‘The One,’ so it’s easy to assume they should either be perfect right off the bat or they’re not the one for you.
“Having standards and hard no’s is important, but so is having an open heart and mind,” says April. “We often connect with people we don’t expect to if we let ourselves get to know them. Also, remember that your date is only human, so forgive them a few slip-ups! They’re probably just as nervous as you are!”
You Fear Rejection
Being rejected is probably one of the most miserable human experiences, and we often go a long way to avoid such disappointment. But if you want to find love, you have to be brave and put yourself out there. “If you get rejected after one or a few dates, remember that that person doesn’t really know you yet. There could be any number of reasons why they feel you don’t click,” April says.
You’re Waiting To Hit A Milestone
Many of us are, consciously or subconsciously, waiting to be the ‘perfect’ version of ourselves before we find our perfect match. Whether you’re waiting to get your dream job, finish your studies, or hit your weight goals, the perception that you’re not ‘ready’ to date can hold you back from finding love.
You Rush In
Do you find yourself declaring love within the first few weeks? Or maybe you want to move in together after a month or two of dating? While the impulse is understandable, most people don’t want to overturn their lives for someone they’ve only known for a few months. Try to take it slow, enjoy the dating phase, and focus on getting to know your partner well before making any big moves.
You Don’t Really Want A Relationship Right Now
You might be disappointed by all your dates because you’re just lukewarm on the idea of dating right now. Maybe something else is taking up your time or focus, or perhaps you’re just enjoying being single, but whatever it is, you shouldn’t feel compelled to date if you’re not interested.
“Do some soul-searching and think to yourself, ‘Do I really want this?’” April advises. “You could make a pros and cons list of dating, and if the cons outweigh the pros, it might be a sign that you’re just not in the mood for love yet.”
April Davis from LUMA Luxury Matchmaking commented:
“As a professional matchmaker, I always have people asking me how to get over these hurdles and get back into dating,” April says. “Of course, the first thing to do is identify your problem. Are you too judgemental? Try going on a date with someone you’d never usually pick and see what happens. Waiting for a milestone? Set a target number of dates to go on to prove to yourself that you don’t need to wait.
“If you’re struggling to find dates, online dating can help. Online dating gives you a wide pool of people to pick from, and there’s no chance of misinterpreting what someone is looking for or bothering someone who’s just looking to have fun like there is if you approach someone on a night out. Just remember to stay safe. Always meet a potential partner in a busy location when you meet in person, and always tell someone where you’re going and when you’ll be back.
“Joining a club or hobby group can also be a great way to meet people, and you might find love along the way. I would advise against joining these groups for the sole purpose of meeting a new partner, as that’s not what they’re for, and you could make people uncomfortable. But if you’re meeting people who share your passion, you already have something in common you can connect and bond over. Even if you don’t find love, you’ll almost certainly end up with new friends!”
