Not Tying the Knot
My friend Mia was 17 when she met Luke. Their parents had been old school friends and although Mia had mostly grown up in New York, the whole family held on to their ties to the home country.
It was summer and Mia had come over to Surrey, where her grandmother had a cottage and there she had first set eyes on the handsome tall boy, who so handled his horse with a casual elegance that made her wonder what his touch felt like on her skin. That evening, they had met at a dinner party and after a couple of hours full of shy glances and half hidden smiles they had dared sneak into the garden for a romantic walk around the lake and spent a glorious summer in a haze of first love and blossoming desire.
10 weeks later, Mia had, despite some serious tantrums, been returned to New York and Luke had gone on to Oxford, where he had over the course of the years become a celebrated heart surgeon. It wasn’t until 12 years later, that Mia saw Luke again. He had been convinced to accompany his dad to a medical symposium in New York and he had taken a rare afternoon off when he saw the woman that his childhood sweetheart had become across the street. Luke felt as though he had walked into a solid brick wall and while he was still trying to master the feelings that threatened to overwhelm him, Mia turned her head and looked right at him. She stopped dead and their gazes locked.
I don’t know what it is about first love that makes us want to preserve this feeling forever. Maybe it’s the unadulterated innocence of our affection – an affection that has not yet been spoiled disappointment. Whatever it is, this feeling is so special that we never forget our first true love. And when we grow up and realize that no one travels without baggage and when we settle for a life that’s not exactly what we used to dream off, we (or maybe its just romantics like myself?) never let go of the sweet and untarnished memory of this first love. Preserving this experience can help us to fuel our thirst for life and the eagerness to make our dreams come true. If we use this image of perfect love to strive for a fulfilled life, it can make us strong. Hanging on to the memory of our first love can also get in the way of finding contentment in what we never though would make us happy. I have known girls who would never be pleased, no matter how hard the men tried. Some of them had to hit rock bottom and learn the hard way before they found contentment in life. Others never learned to let go and finally ended up frustrated and bitter.
What happened in New York?
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What Luke didn’t realize when he saw this magical summer of so long ago race past his inner vision, was that Mia was on the way to pick up her wedding dress for the next day.
And Mia? Her whole soul had been sent spinning. It had been years until she had buried her hopes of being with Luke and she had never quite forgotten his first tender touch. For a long time, Mia had compared every man she met with Luke and thus rooted out a lot of shallow promises. Eventually, she had resigned to the fact that no man could possibly live up to her sky-high expectations and last year she started to date Martin, a charming, sensible Manhattan lawyer and when he had proposed she had said yes. And although she had been content with the prospect of spending her life between the Upper East and the Hamptons, bearing Martin’s children and growing old with him, she had not been prepared for the storm of emotions surging through her the moment she set eyes on Luke. Suddenly, she was 17 again, shy and hopeful, eager to loose herself and ready to find love…
After agonizing 12 hours, Mia cancelled her wedding. She didn’t run off head over heals with Luke either, but decided to give true first love one more chance. Who knows… maybe she will regret it one day. But maybe she will not only find bliss in a man’s company but also herself.
/Sophie